mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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