I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
