I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you would pick up someone in the library
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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