Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
