we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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