The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
