I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
