i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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