Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
