I hope mine doesn't look like that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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