For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
