What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
