nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
