You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
