Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
