he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
