Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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