Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
