I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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