So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
