erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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