i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
