you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
