He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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