ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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