That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
