theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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