I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
