I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize