Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
