her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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