Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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