Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
