last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
