the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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