Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Randomize
