i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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