just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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