dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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