Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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