I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
