All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
