I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
