her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
