alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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