in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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