Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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