I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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