I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
