i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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