Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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