I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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