If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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