I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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