You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
