i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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