why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
