No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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