yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
