a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish i was in the wii world.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
