i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
