im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
