I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Found the puke drawer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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