At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
