i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
