how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
