I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
